Dr. Schur

Dr. Jeanne Schur, Ph.D., L.P. is a licensed clinical psychologist and lecturer with a twin cities based private practice. A graduate of the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center and a former educator of elementary and junior high children, Dr. Schur has also served as an adjunct associate professor at the University of Minnesota in their Ph.D. Clinical Psychology program and is part of a consulting group (COR) at the University of Minnesota Medical School. At present, she conducts psychological evaluations to aid children and adults in self-awareness regarding mental health issues. 

“I get many spiritual lessons from nature” she explained, “especially from observing birds and animals. My basic tenet is that life is a series of lessons in self-awareness that leads to increased personal happiness. The animal kingdom teaches us very powerful lessons if we are astute to the timing of their messages and what character traits they represent.”

On a regular basis, Dr. Schur will share with us her observations and interpretations. Her writings are excerpts from a future eBook. Stay tuned for more info.

In the meantime, Dr. Schur is available for speaking engagements. Her talks cover a wide range of mental health issues, with an emphasis on Lessons in Self-awareness. For booking information or other professional enquiries, please contact us at:

LaBonBon@reflectionsfrombonbonpond.com

or

j.schur@att.net

April  4, 2013

Lesson in Self-Awareness: Rebirth

 

This past Sunday was Easter, the season of rebirth or resurrection. Traditionally, the animal that best represents the child's perception of Easter is the Easter Bunny. Right up there with Santa Claus, only he brings goodies - lots of sugar and spring like toys.

The rabbit totem symbolizes "Do not be afraid." A great totem for the beginning of a new venture. One of my favorite childhood books was Bunny Hopwell's First Spring. It was a darling book that my mother read over and over to me, as I was fascinated with the eager bunny's attempt to discover spring. He had a hit and miss approach with trying to identify it. In retrospect, kind of like my attempts to recognize my soul-mate while embarking on a new career track of developing workshops in self-awareness. 

There appears to be many hidden beliefs that keep people from moving towards their dreams and desires. It appears to be a self-defeating prophecy that blocks so many of us from obtaining our goals. Most of our unachieved goals are related to feelings of unworthiness. Where do we ingest these beliefs that indicate we are not worthy? Could it be as simple as being willing to see things differently? A shift from anxiety to one of confidence?

As I am pondering the concept of worthiness, a robin hops underneath my window. The first harbinger of spring. We still have snow on the ground in Minnesota, contributing to the first white Easter in many years. But underneath the snow are dewdrops, the white flowers that signify that spring is on its way. As a child, I remember seeing them pop through the snow-laden ground in April. I was always delighted to know there were flowers blossoming beneath the snow,despite appearances to the contrary. They had the courage and tenacity to push through the cold ground up into the sunshine. That is how my desire feels to do the workshops. I want to sprout through the feelings of self-consciousness and greet the sunshine, bringing them into the light. What holds me back? 

In nature, the underling or weakling is the animal that is frequently left behind. They are either not strong enough to survive or are pecked out of the order, especially in multiple births. Although bullying contributes to this facet in humanity, I also see us as being our own worst enemy. My favorite quote is by Goethe, "Once you begin to trust yourself you will know how to lead your life." Maybe this lack of self-trust emanates from comparing ourselves to others. Are we good enough? Strong enough? Talented enough? Smart enough? Attractive enough? The pecking order goes on and on. The bullied pick on the ones more vulnerable; the ones without a voice. This is the attempt to unconsciously master feelings of powerlessness - what is known as the repetition-compulsion. I was one of those bullied in my elementary years but always pretended it didn't bother me. It motivated me to develop my sense of humor as a defense to deflect the emotional pain and feelings of vulnerability. Could those haunted feelings of inadequacy be running interference now?

As I write this the sun is melting the last vestige of snow on my deck and lawn. No robins hopping now, but it won't be long until they are meandering, listening for the worms underfoot. Between the rabbits, the robins, and the dewdrops, spring is blooming. Maybe it is time to let latent talent rise to meet the sunshine. Spring has sprung, along with hope. Like Bunny Hopwell, I think I have found my "mojo" again. Let's spring into spring with the awareness of believing in ourselves. The bullies and critics are ghosts of the past, like worms underground. Be like the robin and pull them out! After all, if we don't trust ourself and our abilities, whom can we trust? Do not be afraid - hop into spring and fulfill your heart's desire!

February 12, 2013

 

My two coyotes, the tricksters, came sauntering under my living room windows the other afternoon.  Sadly, the female, had damaged her front forepaw and was limping on three feet, elevating the fourth.  Her partner stayed by her side and seemed to be encouraging her to “come along.”

This dynamic duo has been appearing and disappearing on a regular basis  since the fall months.  It was highly unusual, prior to this time, to actively see any coyotes on the land adjacent to my property.  Now they seemed to rule as king and queen – alpha male and female – of this territory.  It saddened me to see the female injured.  There are no hospitals in the wilderness, as an acquaintance of mine has been known to say, and I hoped her fate was not to succumb to her injury.  Yet, how many of us in our search for a deep connection are still the walking wounded?

The timing of when the animals appear to me is always remarkable.  I was in the process of doing some arduous work-related paper work, wishing I was out having fun instead, when they seemingly came out of nowhere. They have never come so close to the house before and I got a clear look at both. Their loyalty to each other was touching as the male supported the female as she limped along.  Amazingly, she was walking at a pretty fast pace. I stepped out on the balcony to get a closer look.  They both turned in unison when they heard the doors open, looked back at me as if to say, “What?” then kept hobbling along.  I knew they had a message for me but now I had to decipher it.

I have been on a search to open myself up to a meaningful connection with a male partner again, but have been very reluctant to pursue it with any type of consistent effort.  I enjoy a wide circle of very bright female friends, some married, some single, but the search for male companionship that makes your heart sing is not an easy path.Very few men that I have known, with the exception of my male relatives, have shown the steadfast loyalty to their partner that this coyote was demonstrating to his. The female coyote was demonstrating so much vulnerability and yet the male was not leaving her side.  Could it be that I am among the walking wounded and just afraid to show that part of myself?

I have always equated vulnerability with laying one’s self open to being attacked or bullied – like when I was a small child in my neighborhood.  The older kids teased me about my intuition but even I didn’t know what to call it.  I was opinionated and outspoken when I knew something, but of course, could never prove it or even explain how I knew; but when “it” happened, then I would get teased mercilessly and sometimes pushed around.  Needless to say, I learned to keep my comments to myself and unless I could prove it, became a silent observer.  Maybe that is how I learned to tune into the animal kingdom.  They also seem to be silent witnesses, communicating with each other, nature, and the select humans that are astute enough to pick up on their messages.  It almost does seem to be telepathic.

It has become a game with me.  I never was much of an animal lover and don’t have any pets as an adult.   I don’t seem to have time for the caretaking of them, but I do enjoy the timing of the messages from nature.  When I am struggling or at in an impasse from a lack of self-awareness, the animal totem appears.  Knowing its meaning is the tricky part, voila, the tricksters. How do you display vulnerability, like the female coyote, and still have the confidence that exposing that part of yourself will be honored?

The walking wounded, right before Valentine’s Day, seemed so apropos. Yet, these tricksters stayed bonded, even though one was not up to par. Their caretaking and protectiveness of each other was endearing.  I saw this bonding between my parents when my father was dying.  My mother never left his side as hospice was provided for him at home. Their cat, Roxy, jumped onto the bed with him right before he died, then meowed and jumped right off when his spirit left his body.  She knew he was gone.

I am going to open myself up through compassion and connection. It is scary to feel so exposed when revealing true thoughts and feelings, but maybe that is how the walking wounded heal.  It does take courage to be true to yourself and yet, reach out to others.  Dr. Brene Brown in one of her TedX videos actually uses those three words (compassion, courage and connection) in describing her vulnerability research.  I do see myself as being authentic, to a fault, which does not always endear me to others. However, I think sometimes it is how you express your authenticity that draws others to you or pushes them away. Nobody likes a know-it-all so timing is everything in how you share the intuitive process.

 

The timing of the appearance of the trickster, once again, is another lesson in self-awareness.  I really do think they want me to find love for Valentine’s Day. Walking wounded or not, I am going to hobble along to find my heart’s desire. Like the coyotes, it may not be at full-speed, but it is a leap of faith.  I just wish I had an internal GPS to point me in the right direction.

 

December 11, 2012

 

Alpha Lupines --Male & Female: 

The Balance Between Love and Power

The Saturday after Thanksgiving my 22-year-old niece, Betsy, and I were looking out my kitchen window when she exclaimed with delight, “Look!”  Outside on the frozen creek were 2 coyotes.  The way they were interacting led me to believe they were a couple.  They both had a presence of strength, but as male and female energy.  They seemed to be striking poses, standing in balance, but each owning their own power, looking outward in different directions, protecting their individual space and yet protecting each other.  It reminded me of Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man.

He states in his book that men need the three P’s in a relationship: Profess (their relationship status), Provide for their partner and to Protect.  The two coyotes seemed to be doing that.  Their physical presence was so strong, they appeared to be wolves, but they were still the tricksters.

Betsy went into her sociology spiel about the coyote totem being a trickster, to teach us a lesson about ourselves.  It could mean that somebody is manipulating us or it could mean a lesson is coming.  We both noted their presence, at a time in both of our lives when we were ready for a new love interest.  I heard the coyotes howling over the past summer and fall months  but this was my first glimpse at them.  Life is all about the timing, so they say.

Leadership qualities go with being a wolf, their path is to be a teacher.  They are very family and community oriented, very social animals.  Although these coyotes were not wolves, they are in the same lupine taxonomy.  The lesson in self-awareness appeared to be about holding my ground in a balance of love and power, like the coyotes were demonstrating, without usurping the power from each other.

 I am getting at a very deep level that the reason so many of us can’t seem to make the connection with a significant other is embedded in our inability to receive somebody at an energetic and spiritual level.

What fascinates me about the animal kingdom is that when they see an opportunity – serendipity - for food, shelter or mating, they take it.  Not that I would advise humans to act on every impulse, but there is also a sheltering and safety factor built into the lupine’s instinctual nature for survival.  They have no problem accepting and owning their own power.  Yet there is a hierarchical status that seems to permeate their packs: the alpha male and alpha female.

In our culture the alpha male rarely mates with an alpha female – too much competition.  It is why you frequently see the man with power and money stereotypically bonding with a beauty with strong dependency needs or a lack of ambition, at least the second time around.  Wolves tend to seek out mates at their own level.  They allegedly mate for life and they go for the best.  They may have to prove their worth but tend to be very selective in who will lead the pack and in producing a litter from the best female available.  Why, in humanity, are we females more likely to settle for less than or someone who does not challenge us?  It has taken so long for females to even be considered as equals, and yet we have quite a ways to go in society; so, why aren’t we “running with the wolves” ?

The snow is softly falling today, creating the ambience for a white Christmas.  I would love to have my spiritual essence permeating the atmosphere like the gentle snowflakes, not questioning how and where I land, but serendipitously and energetically being open to whoever crosses my path. 

    

The coyotes were being still, which is one of my favorite spiritual lessons from the Bible (Be still and know that I am God).  It reminded me that when we are receptive, sometimes the lessons come to us.  I recently met somebody who captivated me.  I don’t even know if he is available, but being still sounds like a good idea.  After all, if you are not in a place of emotional openness, it is hard to receive.  Life is all about the timing and the trickster is good at it.  Maybe my time has come.

  

 September  5, 2012

I have a coyote in my backyard.  I DO NOT appreciate his circadian rhythms.  He howls at the moon at 4:45AM.  Not my idea of an alarm clock.  As annoying as this “Wile E.” is, I knew he was communicating with me.  What did he want me to know?In Native American totems, the coyote is a trickster.  He forewarns of either someone playing you or,  that you are lying to yourself – about what?  It was time to do some soul searching.

I  have been on a mission to meet someone new.  It has been a long time since I opened myself up to another’s interest.  Call it workaholism, call it a need to stay in control, or call it stupid, but a relationship seemed like too much work for me, especially with my work schedule and in meeting my work demands.  My career is not an avocation to me, but my passion.  I always hoped I would meet someone that shared this passion, but since I work with a specialized population, that did not seem likely.  I could relate to the coyote’s howling and his search for his mate.  The blue moon may have motivated him but I wondered, half-asleep, if howling at the moon could work for me, too.

If I were sending out a relationship SOS, what would it say?  Who is my ideal mate? I have this theory called the GIC factor: Generosity, Integrity and Chemistry.   In my experience, when couples have these three factors in their relationship, the bond tends tend to be happier and long-lasting.

Generosity is of the soul.  It is a desire to share your essence, not just financially, but emotionally and spiritually.  For me it is feeling the connection with the ultimate source of abundance (e.g. Mother Nature, Universe, God)  that inspires you to help others, especially those in need. I believe in an unending stream of potential abundance in the Universe.  This stream is open to all, but in order to connect to it, you have to know what it is like to receive.   In order to give generously of yourself, it is essential to have been given to in some area of your life when you needed it, and that you were able to receive it.  If you see any resource as finite then it is hard to let it flow through you.  I see abundance in all forms being like a wave in the ocean, always containing the ocean, seemingly infinite, yet expressing individually, like snowflakes; made of the same substance but no two alike.  It really is not about holding onto whatever, but how you share it.  I wonder how coyotes share.  Howling is to make contact, but how do they actually share themselves?

Integrity is the second trait I value.  That means doing the hard thing when it is required of you, even if it is not desired by you.  So many people take shortcuts to get their needs met, including misrepresenting who they are.  What is so hard about telling the truth?  When you pretend to be somebody you’re not, the pain of humiliation is even worse when you are exposed.  When you show up as is, then if someone genuinely likes you, you are half-way to home plate.  I would howl, too, if someone was deceiving me. 

Chemistry to me is emotional as well as physical.  Laughing with someone over stupid stuff is truly what defines chemistry for me. Sharing another’s sense of humor is hard to find.  That chemistry is the glue in a relationship. Almost everyone has a sense of humor, but to really appreciate another’s humor and relate to it is rare.  It is hard to describe, but you know it when you find it; the few times I have had it, it really stuck with me.  There was always a final scene in the TV show Boston Legal where William Shatner and James Spader smoked cigars on the balcony.  In one episode William Shatner was despondent.  When James Spader asks him, “What’s wrong?”  He replies that he caught his girlfriend with another man.  JS states, “Oh, you caught them in bed together?”  And WS laments, “No. Worse.  They were laughing together.”  Laughter is a powerful aphrodisiac, especially with someone you are attracted to.  Do coyotes howl instead of laugh?

I may not be able to howl at the moon to make contact with a new partner, but I wish I could.  I listened to the coyote meander down the stream, howling as he went to find his mate.  He howled several times without success, and then, in the distance, I could hear the faint response of another.  He didn’t give up but followed the stream until it led him to his partner.

Another lesson in self-awareness:  Be true to yourself so that others of like-mindedness can connect with you.  Coyotes have their own unique way of expressing themselves and seem to find each other easily, but they are not pretending to be anything than what they are.  Even at 4:45 AM they know what they want and find it.  I just wish they would find each other at a reasonable hour.

June 17, 2012 

Firefly Magic

It's Father's Day and I miss my Dad. What I wouldn't do for one last conversation with him. He crossed over on July 26, 1990 after a painful battle with kidney cancer. I wouldn't wish that kind of suffering on anyone, much less someone I loved so dearly.

I was remembering the summers as a child at Lake Vermillion. My mother and father rented a cabin for two weeks every summer and it was the highlight of our summer. (Well, maybe not to my Dad, as I think the family trip to Minneapolis every summer to see the Twins play may have been his highlight.) The memories I have of him at Macomber's cabin will always be my fondest.

Part of those summer memories involved fireflies. They always had a mystical quality about them and reminded me of Tinkerbell. My brothers and I would run around the pine trees after dark trying to capture them, keeping our teasures in a jar with a blade of glass and air holes. They would blink only for a moment or two, like sending out an SOS and then stop. We then released them from their captivity and they returned to their 3 second messaging, flitting away into the night. My Dad would chuckle at our enthusiasm for these ephemeral creatures and our delight at watching them light up and escape. My Dad would be smoking his cigar,sitting on a lawn chair, listening to the Twins on his transistor radio, as they wound up the end of a night double header game. We never got to stay up past 8 back home, but out at the lake we could stay up until the fireflies came out.

I remember the magic of those evenings and the safety I felt in my father's presence as he watched over my brothers and me. "Watch where you're going" he would say as we ran after them. "Don't trip and fall. You could hurt yourself." My father was very overprotective, and I don't ever remember him saying, "I love you". But the message came across loud and clear in all his protective warnings. "Watch out for cars when you cross the street" and "Lock the [car] door so you won't fall out."

As I watched the fireflies gracefully flit across my backyard , the memories of his gentle warnings drifted back. I could sense his presence as I silently witnessed their communication. The timing of their lights were choreographed like a rhythymic salsa. Watching them dance in the starlight gave me that childlike sense of wonder, as if all things were possible if you wished it hard enough.

I have to admit, I don't miss the cigar smoke, but I miss my father's words of protection. I know he would want me to find someone that makes me feel as safe and secure as he did. It hasn't happened yet, but I've come close, recently from a very unexpected source. Like the fireflies, I believe the Universal Intelligence that oversees our lives and directs Mother Nature also helps to choreograph our lessons in self-awareness. As a psychologist I've learned that trust begins by feeling safe with the adults who raised us. We internalize it and then it mainfests in our teens as self-trust and good judgment. After a foundation of trust is built, the ability to create and find magic in our lives becomes possible. What is the old French proverb? "Once you begin to trust yourself you will know how to live your life." My parents set that foundation for me to begin my journey in self-awareness. I was lucky. Although as a child I felt there were too many protective warnings, I do appreciate the intent behind them, to keep me and my younger brothers safe.

I sense the fireflies are more than an enchanted reminder of my favorite childhood memories with my father. They are also a harbinger of good things to come - a magical summer is on its way. "Faith, trust and pixie dust," as Tinkerbell is known to say. I can hardly wait! 

 May 22, 2012

  Duck Parable/Lesson in Self-Awareness #3:

Ten Ducklings 

My childhood friend, Joyce, and I went for a walk Saturday around a man-made lake within a popular residential area. As we circled the cement-laden lake, we noticed a group of very young ducklings swimming in the water. Joyce, a true naturalist, noticed they were without their mother. She commented on how young they were (maybe ten days old) and that it was their mother's job to provide guidance for them in the water so they can imprint and learn to find food. Without the hen’s direction, the ducklings kept running into the cement wall, which was too high for them to climb as they were not yet using their feathers to fly.

We watched as they continued to drift into the wall, not knowing what else to do. The reeds where they came from were across the lake, quite a distance away. Apparently, they had floated away in search of food, but now were stuck in a self-defeating pattern of doing the same thing over and over again, attempting to get out of the water. Joyce commented on how exhausted they looked.

With no mother duck in sight, we assumed something had happened to her. As I witnessed their struggle, it reminded me of Einstein's favorite quote: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."  

I started to feel nauseous, knowing what the probable outcome would be if they didn't head in a different direction. A dragonfly hovered above, like a Blackhawk helicopter, trying to redirect them, but they kept running into the wall, making a circle and coming back to the wall. One of the ducklings bobbed underwater, came back up for air, and that was it.

I felt like I had jumped into a cartoon Disney movie, like The Rescuers, and talked to the dragonfly as if it were a real person. I told it we were going to work as a team and I would direct it. I ran up the hill to the walking path and enlisted the aid of a maintenance man, explaining the ducklings needed a makeshift ramp, like a plank, to waddle up to get them out of the water. He agreed to go find one. As he headed off, a paddle boat was approaching the ducklings. I asked the lady and her daughter to paddle in the ducks' direction so they would move away from the wall. They agreed and the mission began. Interestingly, the dragonfly stayed hovering above them as the motion from the paddle boat pushed the ducklings away from the wall and out into the water. The lady and her daughter stayed far enough behind to not endanger them, but created enough motion on the water to propel them in a new direction. But did they have enough strength to make it back across the entire lake?

Joyce and I ran around the perimeter as the lake’s green water, depth and seedy appearance did not make it conducive to jumping in for a rescue. One of the bigger ducklings appeared to take the lead and the others followed in a uniform line, across the entire width of the lake toward the reeds. We kept talking to them, telling them not to give up and to just keep moving towards safety. I was still puzzled and annoyed at the lack of their mother's presence, but as they reached the reeds, there she was, being "mated" by three drakes. The ducklings apparently had swum away while she was trying to defend herself. The ducklings hid in the reeds, but now had regained access to their mother, and began climbing up on the sandy embankment to rest their weary feet. The dragonfly circled one last time, then flew up and away as the maintenance man was driving towards us on his mini-vehicle with a wooden plank.

I felt a sense of relief, but also caught the Lesson in Self-Awareness. So many times we are like those ducklings, stubbornly thinking there is only one way out of a situation, even when it is apparent that way doesn't work anymore. Factor in the fear of trying something new, along with the reluctance to let go of something that has worked before, and you have the difference between a defense that once protected us and one that is now running interference in our life.

I believe the Universe has an intelligence that can be trusted but we must make a connection to receive its support. I don't know if talking to the dragonfly and ducklings helped them, but it empowered me. An unlikely rescue effort, but the combination of using natural resources and human endeavor made a difference to those ducklings that day. There is power in focusing on what you can do in the moment. That was all Joyce and I did, and it worked.

Moral of the Story: Like the ducklings, we may appear calm and collected on the surface, but our weary little feet are paddling as fast as they can to stay afloat; many times in situations that just aren't working for us anymore. These situations are draining us of our physical and emotional resources. There is a different way, but sometimes we need to be open to it and ask the Universe for assistance. Like the ducklings, help may come from very unexpected resources. Our job, like the ducklings, is to be open to receiving it, and then act on it. Otherwise, our worn out defenses keep us embattled in a no-win situation that leads to our emotional exhaustion and unnecessary suffering. Make a different choice! The results may surprise you. 

May 11, 2012

Ant Parable/Lesson in Self-Awareness #2: 

The Survivor 

I work as a consultant to a felony friendly program. I love my work as a psychological consultant as it is very interesting and rewarding to help bring self-awareness into the lives of men who truly want and are ready to change their life around. As I stated in my first ant parable, it is very difficult to empower someone if they are not ready to cooperate and receive the help.

R. spontaneously shared with me his ant lesson today, unknowing that I had written my first ant parable the other day. I asked his permission to include it in my collection of Lessons in Self-awareness from the Animal Kingdom and he agreed.

He told me of spending time in solitary confinement, aka "the hole" in federal prison. One day he noticed a black ant had crept into his isolation cell, a small area composed of concrete and cement, with no access to the outside. He was initially annoyed at seeing it gain entrance, so he picked it up with a tissue, and plunked it into the toilet. Much to his amazement, when he looked down into the bowl, the ant had escaped from the tissue and was swimming desperately, trying to keep afloat. R. shared with me that he was amazed at how hard the tiny creature was working and how much it wanted to live. He remembered thinking, for this tiny insect to struggle so intensely, to have the drive to survive, he just couldn't deprive it of that chance. He reached in and rescued it, patted it off with another tissue and found a crumb for it it eat. He said it was the strangest thing, but he felt compassion for the ant. He began to relate to it as a human, thinking it, too, might have a family to feed and that if he removed it from its family, they might suffer needlessly. As he began to see the parallel between himself and the ant, he recognized a powerful lesson: no matter how insignificant or isolated someone may feel, no one can take the desire to strive and succeed away from you. He said it was a major turning point in his imprisonment, and the end of his returning to the hole.

 Moral of today's parable: 

Perseverance, despite all odds, is the key to success

May 4, 2012
 

Ant Parable/Lesson in Self-Awareness #1:

The Ant

Interestingly, I had a black ant walk across my carpet last week. Its nature message is "patience." I tried to rescue it by picking it up in a Kleenex and putting it outside but it wouldn't cooperate and I crippled it. I felt so badly; I kept checking on it outside where I had placed it in a flower pot. Its message was pretty powerful and it fit my situation of wanting to help out a friend anonymously.

Moral of the story: If you try to help somebody without their cooperation or permission, it can do more harm than good. It only muddies up the waters and can cripple them (the ant had two wounded legs). I had hoped to make things easier for it and I ended up hurting it, which was not my intention. You can't help people more than they want to help themselves!

So, a huge lesson from a tiny creature. smile